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Sex Tips 😍
Keep your panties on.
Back in high school, you probably had rules for how far you'd go: under the shirt, over the pants, and so on. Well, the teenage you was on to something. "It can be pleasurable torture to play with each other over your underwear, teasing and stroking through the fabric," says sex coach Patti Britton, Ph.D. "You're building up the anticipation, so when you finally do have skin-on-skin contact, it'll be that much more explosive and exciting."
It's all about the tongue.
When it comes to performing oral sex on him, don't focus only on porn star-style suction. You can do a lot with just your tongue, I learned at Babeland's "Oral Sex Basics: Fellatio" (Babeland's most popular class!). Flatten your tongue and pretend you are licking a delicious ice cream cone. Then try the "pointy-tongue" technique to stroke up and down and side to side. Do different strokes and touches, like flicking your tongue over the head, and see what kind of response you get.
Frankly, the missionary position is the position least likely to bring a woman to climax.
But there is a subtle adjustment you can make that can increase your chances of having an orgasm: the coital alignment technique, or CAT. Have your partner move his entire body up about two inches. Your partner's pubic bone will rest on top of yours so that the base of his penis presses on your clitoris. This position provides continuous stimulation of your clitoris during intercourse, increasing your chances of having an orgasm.
They touch their own bodies.
Women who love sex are comfortable with masturbation. It's how they learn about their own bodies, about what they like, and about how they can reach orgasm quickly or slowly (depending on their mood). Since most women don't reach orgasm via intercourse alone, those who feel free to touch themselves during lovemaking control their erotic destiny: They know they can come whenever they want, and that makes them more confident and relaxed lovers.
Old rule: Both partners should be equally active in bed.
New rule: It's okay to relinquish all control sometimes — or to totally take over.
Yes, both of you should be getting equal satisfaction from your sex life, and, yes, men love it when you take an active role in your own pleasure. But that doesn't mean that every time you make love it has to be exactly 50/50. After all, sometimes one of you is just too beat or burned-out to have the energy for a night of vigorous sex, but you can still lie back and have some fun, points out Joan Elizabeth Lloyd, author of The Perfect Orgasm.
The Breath of Fire
Use this before or during lovemaking to get you in the mood or increase arousal, especially if you're having trouble reaching orgasm. There's no simpler way to oxygenate the blood, a process that increases sexual energy and elevates desire. Take rapid, rhythmic and shallow breaths through the nose. Keep your mouth closed. Breathe this way for one to three minutes.
Jump into the shower with him for a quick, hot make-out session. Change out of your cotton panties into a lacy thong. Get confident with perfect posture: Push your shoulders back and stand up straight. Whisper in his ear a play-by-play of exactly what it is you plan to do to him tonight. Loosen up — extend your arms high, bend over, try a split — within his view, of course. Tell him about your hot dream. Rest your hand on his inner thigh under the table.
Change the context.
Some women are nervous to ask for what they want during sex because they feel it sounds too demanding. "Try broaching the subject in a different setting where you can express your desires in a more relaxed way," says Em. "Cuddle up to him while watching a sexy scene on TV and whisper, 'I hope we'll try that tonight.'" He'll be receptive to your feedback, no matter when you offer it.
Wild in the Wild: Is it okay to romp in a field?
"In 25 years of practice, I haven't seen a patient with any sex-in-the-grass-related complaints," says gynecologist Suzanne Merrill-Nach, M.D. Nature enthusiasts face a slight (but avoidable) risk of poison ivy or oak, allergic reactions to other plants or insects entering places they shouldn't. "And if you're considering sex on the beach, watch out for friction burns from the sand," says Suzanne Merrill-Nach, M.D. Another consideration: "Almost every state has laws against indecent exposure," says Sandor Gardos, Ph.D., founder of mypleasure.co
Reach out and touch each other.
A full-body massage helps stimulate the seven energy centers, or chakras, throughout your body, so you're aroused from head to toe. "Start massaging your partner's hands and wrists," says Mabel Iam, author of Sex and the Perfect Lover. "Then move up the arms and shoulders until you reach the chest. Next, starting from the feet and ankles, work your way up the legs and thighs until you reach the belly." This sequence helps awaken his sexual energy. When you're done massaging him, have him do the same for you.
"My husband and I had the best vacation sex recently in Hawaii," says Francine, a 36-year-old mother of two from New York City. "We were on the top floor of the resort, so we knew no one was above us to see or hear us. And the room had these huge floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the ocean. It felt like we were having sex outdoors, but without the nuisance of the sand going up our butts!"
Light up with pleasure.
Turn off the lights, take a flashlight, and guide the glow to areas of your body that you want him to lick or rub. Start with your neck, ears, nipples — go wherever you want him to explore. Even if it's a nonsexual area like your back, he has to pay attention to that area until you stop shining the flashlight on it.
Beyond the G-Spot
The New Woman-on-Top
This is typically the best position for a woman to reach orgasm because she can control the angle and speed of penetration. But the odds of her getting there can definitely be improved.
The hot-spot adjustments: Either lean back, resting your hands on the bed behind you, or lean forward with your hands above his head. These more extreme angles heighten clitoral stimulation and also exaggerate the pull on his F-spot and R-area.
The Fantasy Encounter
Set aside 30 minutes of uninterrupted time on Sunday (finding this time may be the hardest part of the program, but trust us, it's worth it) in a relaxed setting — perhaps in the bedroom after the children are asleep. Wearing loose-fitting but attractive clothing (no holey sweat pants!), sit down together and share your sexual fantasies. If you're uncomfortable talking about the ones you usually indulge in, make up some new ones. Let your imaginations roam free. The caveat: Don't touch, just talk.
Start sleeping in the nude.
If you're usually a head-to-toe flannel woman, take it in small steps: a tank and shorts, then just a tee, and so on until you're completely nude. Once you get over the nakedness of it, the feeling of having nothing on is actually powerful and potent — and may even lead to sexier dreams, not to mention a more tantalizing nighttime cuddle...or more.
Take matters into your own hands.
If you don't have time for lots of foreplay (that's what leisurely Saturday nights are for), take a shortcut to arousal: Pleasure yourself with your hand, or use a vibrator while your partner touches himself and watches you. "Once you're suitably aroused, you can dive straight into sex far quicker than if you'd given each other foreplay,"
"Break the ice by browsing websites or flipping through erotic magazines to get ideas about what appeals to you," says Abrams.
Sacrum (on you)
Why it's hot: The vertebrae in the small of your back (right above your buttocks) contain sacral nerves, which shoot straight to your genitals, say Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson, coauthors of The Essence of Tantric Sexuality. In fact, electric stimulation of this nerve will trigger an orgasm in 91 percent of women, according to a recent study.
Try this: Lie on your stomach and have your partner press on the sacrum with his palm, or give it a gentle karate chop-style massage. This will stimulate the sacral nerves and build heat in the genitals.
Use your eyes:
Both men and women are stimulated by erotic visuals, according to an Archives of Sexual Behavior study. Try keeping the lights on and your eyes open (this also aids communication, as you can see what pleases your partner). Making love in front of mirrors or using video cameras is a variation on the same theme. The effort pays off. Once you begin to appreciate foreplay as an integral part of your life together, as important and as necessary as paying the bills or feeding the kids, sexual satisfaction and the stronger marriage that comes with it will always be just one short step.
Slowly trail melting ice across your partner's body — blindfold him to heighten sensitivity.
Amazing "May I?" Game
"My wife asked if she could run her hands over my chest. Of course, I said yes, but I was kind of thinking, Why so formal? Then she asked if she could kiss my nipples. After that, she requested permission to undo my pants. She wondered if I'd mind if she gave me oral sex. Before every move she made, she asked for my consent. I got more and more turned on with each question. Part of it was hearing what she was going to do to me next, and part of it was the idea that I was actually granting her favors, like she wanted it so badly but needed my okay."