Funny Quotes by Emily Ruby - Musely
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Funny Quotes

posted in Entertainment
03/30/2015
  • Some babies were dropped on their heads, you were clearly thrown at a wall

  • I pretend I don't care, but really deep down I still don't care

  • Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a plant, there for chocolate counts as a salad YOUR WELCOME

  • Hey I just met you, & this is crazy My Name Is Dory...
    Hey I just met you...

  • I don't trust anyone who smiles before 9 am

  • Dear teacher,
    If the bell doesn't dismiss me then it doesn't decide when I get to class.
    Case Closed.

  • I'm poor I can't afford to pay attention

  • Row Row your boat gently off a cliff

  • K?
    K what?
    The letter before J?
    The letter that comes after L?
    Did you know that in JK the K stands for kidding?
    So your response was kidding?
    Or K as in potassium?
    Do you need some Special K for breakfast?
    K as in I can K/O you?
    Can I knock you out and feed you to hungry sharks?
    Sharks has K in it.

  • Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    Faces like yours belong to the zoo
    Don't be mad
    I'll be there too
    Not in a cage
    But laughing at you

  • I'm sarcastic because punching people is frowned upon

  • Can.
    You.
    Not.

  • "Did you just fall?"
    "No i attacked the floor."
    "Backwards?"
    "I'm freaking talented!"

  • NO.
    You're wrong. So just sit there in your wrongness and be wrong.

  • I don't trip, I do random gravity checks

  • I hate that part of the morning when you have to get out of bed and participate in real life

  • Too bad I can only delete you on Facebook and not in real life, apparently that's illegal

  • Telling a woman to calm down works as well as baptizing cats

  • Science is golden
    But duct tape is silver

  • Who ever decided to put the alphabet in math, I hate you

  • Good morning, I see the assassins have failed

  • I would like to think I will die an heroic death, but then again I will most likely trip over my dog, and choke on a spoonful of frosting

  • I bet when cheetahs race and one of them cheats the other one goes "Man you a Cheetah!" And then they laugh and go eat a zebra or whatever

  • Some people just need a high five in the face with a chair

  • I'm actually not funny I'm just really mean and everyone thinks I'm joking

  • School for 12 years.
    College for 4 years.
    Then we work until we die.
    GREAT.

  • People are like slinkys not really good for anything, but you can't help but smiling when they are tumbling down the stairs

  • Sometimes when people are talking to me, I wonder what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face

  • Guy: "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"
    Girl: "No, but I did scrape my knees when I crawled up from hell."

  • If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic

  • I already know I'm going to hell. At this point really it's just a matter of go big or go home

  • Like if you thought anything was funny loves❤️

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