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posted in Relationships
  • 1) marriage isn't just a commitment. When you get married, you usually make vows that go something like this: "for richer or poorer, through sickness & health,"til death do us apart". So when you get married, you make a commitment to stay together no matter what.

    2) marriage is also passionate. Not only marriage is suppose to be loving, it's suppose to be passionate, too. Sex is the one thing that seperates you and your spouse from being just roommates.

  • Without that passion that goes along with a vibrant sexual relationship, you're just being roommates. And marriage isn't meant to be just living like roommates- that's why it's called marriage. When spouses share passion,sex & everything that goes along with it, then they're really being a married couple.

  • 3) sex in marriage is waaay different. I see a lot of couples who come to me for marriage counseling because their bedroom has become bland & boring. They tell me that sex used to be rockin' before they got married but now that they've been married awhile it just doesn't have the same excitement it used to have. They've even tried new things & it still hasn't helped, it just doesn't have the same flare that it used to.

  • The flare comes when you feel connection in the bedroom. When there's connection in the bedroom, both partners feel that they just had great sex. But when that connection is missing they feel like it was just ho-hum. Once you get married ( and after you've been married for a while) it ups the connection-ante. You can't rely on the connection you felt years ago to sustain you today. The connection you feel needs to continually increase or else sex will feel the same as it did a couple years ago-and that gets old. You can't fake that connection.

  • 4) marriage does really have its bad times. You've heard it before. You've probably even had someone write it on a card they gave you at your wedding. But it really is true. Marriage really has its bad times, and I don't mean the bad times you see on TV where it gets solved in a half & hour. Heck, it's not even like the shows where the problems get solved in a few episodes. Marriage has low times that last for a while. And during those low times you question how you could ever feel so low, & whether you made the right choice or not.

  • But despite how low these bad times feel they are almost always followed by good times, too. These low times are learning times & can help you & your spouse address whatever it is that's causing the problems so you can have an even healthier & happier relationship.

    5) marriage is the most rewarding thing. A couple of years ago, on a plane back from a conference, I sat to perhaps the most interesting guy I've ever met. He was an older gentleman getting close to retirement. He told me about some of the life struggles he & his wife went through with their family & kids.

  • In the end, he told me that if he never had kids he could have been a millionaire years ago- but he'd rather have the kids.

    Today, I say the same thing about marriage. If I never got married I could have done ( insert x, y or z here) but I'd rather be married. There's nothing like feeling the love that comes from marriage. There's nothing like feeling unconditionally loved by another human being. And there's nothing like feeling that safety that comes from being able to love another human being unconditionally. Without marriage, I would never know how to love, & care for others.


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